she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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