I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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