She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
