I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
