I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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