They should really pass out barf bags in church
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
