i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
