***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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