My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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