I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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