So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Holy sore nipples Batman
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
