Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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