Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
