She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
