bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
