is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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