Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I forget how to act sober
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
