HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
