smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh god the rape fog is back!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
