You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
