What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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