ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
