Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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