hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
