i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
