google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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