Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
