I think I died a long time ago.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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