btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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