Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
