So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
