everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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