Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
