I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
