Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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