It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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