So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
