covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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