He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So much Jack, so little girl.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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