He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
