Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.

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(707): View more from California

He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.

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(224): View more from Illinois

Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.

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(678): View more from Georgia

HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.

(1-678): View more from Georgia

Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle

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(573): View more from Missouri

I think your dad took our porno

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(315): View more from New York

I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person

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