yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
