in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
