i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
