dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
