I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
