You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
