Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
