is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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