Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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