dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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